Father stop
>> Friday, May 25
Being a
father is never an easy thing. Imagine having 5 people on your shoulder, giving
their needs and desires. That’s fuckin’ hard I can’t even provide for myself. Me
being a licensed professional Engineer, that doesn’t change anything –I’m still
provided; my car, fraction of my gas; food. I still can’t stand without him.
My father
even had to face the worse challenge; providing while being shown no love. We
love him though. It could be just us deficient of the courage to show him. What’s
harder than going home drunk, brain jam-packed with problems, expectant of love
but gets nothing better than a sofa to sleep in? That’s a dead life. That’s going
to get me bad side turned on.
He and my mom
got emotionally detached more than a year ago. Before that, they were like kids
who could not last a day without fighting. That I learned a mother and a wife
are diverse roles and you can’t always be good in performing both at the same
time. She’s a good mother that’s all I can say.
We got used
to hating. We never noticed how the hell it got this worse. I stood by my side
of being silent. I love them all and silence was the only best thing I
knew..NOT, now. No one among us is blameless.
I knew my
father went to clubs, got girls and all that. One thing I was proud of and made
me tolerant was the fact that he always had different girls and never stayed at
one bitch. Precisely, he’s safe from getting attached. I never saw this coming
around, my father being serious and committed to having an extra-marital
affair. That hurts. That troubles us. I was even once deprived of my car because ofthat bitch, but that
is not the more bothering thing. We don’t want to see him breaking down and
losing everything he has worked for in all those working years.
I don’t know
how I’m going to see this ending; it has started to eat us up. The devil even made
me think of the thing I knew I was never going to do; I started formulating a
plan of ending the bitch's life. No, I won’t let the devil defeat us. The devil wants
this. All we have to do is pray. Do the right thing. Show my father extra love.
Get into his conscience. And be brave enough to tell him stop all these shit
pa. I wish it is this easy.
When you are
almost to give up on things, that’s when God sends light. This morning I got a
text from my brother;
“Gi sama na tayo outing bukas. Hayaan
mo na yung fun run dami pa susunod dun. Para hindi magreynareynahan si Katy(bitch) dun”
“You’re not alone, you’re being allied, and I’m
fighting with you” are things
a person on the peak of giving up needs to hear.
This got me my
faith back, stronger trust that everything will eventually be solved. I hope
so. God does no sleeping.
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