Father stop

Being a father is never an easy thing. Imagine having 5 people on your shoulder, giving their needs and desires. That’s fuckin’ hard I can’t even provide for myself. Me being a licensed professional Engineer, that doesn’t change anything –I’m still provided; my car, fraction of my gas; food. I still can’t stand without him.

My father even had to face the worse challenge; providing while being shown no love. We love him though. It could be just us deficient of the courage to show him. What’s harder than going home drunk, brain jam-packed with problems, expectant of love but gets nothing better than a sofa to sleep in? That’s a dead life. That’s going to get me bad side turned on.

He and my mom got emotionally detached more than a year ago. Before that, they were like kids who could not last a day without fighting. That I learned a mother and a wife are diverse roles and you can’t always be good in performing both at the same time. She’s a good mother that’s all I can say.

We got used to hating. We never noticed how the hell it got this worse. I stood by my side of being silent. I love them all and silence was the only best thing I knew..NOT, now. No one among us is blameless.

I knew my father went to clubs, got girls and all that. One thing I was proud of and made me tolerant was the fact that he always had different girls and never stayed at one bitch. Precisely, he’s safe from getting attached. I never saw this coming around, my father being serious and committed to having an extra-marital affair. That hurts. That troubles us. I was even once deprived of my car because ofthat  bitch, but that is not the more bothering thing. We don’t want to see him breaking down and losing everything he has worked for in all those working years.

I don’t know how I’m going to see this ending; it has started to eat us up. The devil even made me think of the thing I knew I was never going to do; I started formulating a plan of ending the bitch's life. No, I won’t let the devil defeat us. The devil wants this. All we have to do is pray. Do the right thing. Show my father extra love. Get into his conscience. And be brave enough to tell him stop all these shit pa. I wish it is this easy.

When you are almost to give up on things, that’s when God sends light. This morning I got a text from my brother;

“Gi sama na tayo outing bukas. Hayaan mo na yung fun run dami pa susunod dun. Para hindi magreynareynahan si Katy(bitch) dun”

“You’re not alone, you’re being allied, and I’m fighting with you” are things a person on the peak of giving up needs to hear.

This got me my faith back, stronger trust that everything will eventually be solved. I hope so. God does no sleeping.